BEGINS BOOK ONE:

March 22nd The days are moving. I’ve decided to contribute to this diary/journal idea as well. It does make sense. It’s something to show the children, there is no world without them. We have Brian and Janelle, and Ann is still a child. Really, Tim is too. But Brian and Janelle are our hope right now, and the ones that come when we build a new world for them. A new Nation. We know we have so much opposition to overcome. But, we will gather as we go and build ourselves back up. At one time the tribes of the Nation were spread across this country. They will be again. I believe that. It hurts me that some people can be so cruel towards us. I mean Candace. Petty. Cruel. Mean. You would think that this world had mocked her, used her, every bit as much as the rest of us. You would think that would make her see this clearly… But, she doesn’t. She doesn’t see it at all that I can see. How can that be? How can anyone who is not white not be affected by this white world? She should be on our side. She should be an asset. She should be with us. I’m confused about why she isn’t, and hurt too. I can’t do anything about it except stay away from her. I can’t say anything to her, she jumps all over me when I do… Maybe she hates me? Maybe she sees me as the enemy somehow? I don’t know. I just don’t know. Bob says that somewhere on the other side of the Smokey mountains we’ll find the land we need, want. There is so much forever wild land there that we should be able to reestablish ourselves easily. The land should not be poisoned. It should be waiting for us. He says the climate will be warmer there. But not too warm. Easier than life here. He says things have changed. The climate will be different. I believe him. We’re hoping for more people as we go. Bob says we’ll have thousands eventually. Thousands. It’s hard to picture. He doesn’t know how many we’ll pick up on the way there, but he believes the others, Mike, Ronnie, Tom, Patty and yes, Candace too, will join us. He believes they will come around. I hope so. I’m discouraged by Candace’s attitude though, yet at the same time I’m encouraged by the opportunities that lie ahead. March 25th I have never had three days like this in my life before. Emotional highs and lows. I was positive we would be killed. I know that is morbid, but I was. I could see no way out; I mean you have to fight, right? I am not upset that we ran, but I would’ve fought. Honor is more important than life to me. But, it was not my decision. I had a say, but my say was in the minority. In fact it seemed like I was the only one. Another thing happened. It was horrible, then beautiful, then horrible, and now unexpectedly beautiful again… I think. I won’t write personal, personal things here though. Even so, I had a chance at something but I couldn’t do it, couldn’t let myself feel it, so I lost it. But I have another chance it seems. The world is a funny place. One more thing. Just to remind myself. A certain person who thinks she’s so perfect… Can do no wrong. She seems to look down on me. But today I saw the way she looked at someone else… Another woman. I know what I saw from both of them. But, I don’t think either of them knows it about each other. My point is how can she look down on me? How can that be?

BEGINS BOOK TWO